


Silent Desire

by ufp13



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2267400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ufp13/pseuds/ufp13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another sleepless night in the jungle. (If you're looking for happy!fic, this is not it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent Desire

**Author's Note:**

> Not my characters, just borrowing the sandbox.
> 
> Big thank you to Sam for beta services. Remaining mistakes are mine.

Turning around on the cot for the third time within the last five minutes, he would have sworn the creaking of his joints rivalled the rustling, screeching and buzzing outside. It was nights like this he missed the big bad city the most, missed it for its silence. The irony of it didn’t escape him. Here, in the middle of nowhere, in the midst of the jungle where not even a handful of people lived, it was louder at night than it had been at home, in Vegas.

Taking the saying “home is where the heart is” to heart, he had followed it, ran off to the jungle, leaving the city behind with everything and everyone in it. Yet, after a few weeks here, he still hadn’t gotten used to this new home, couldn’t convince himself that this was home now. His heart was happier than it had been in Vegas at the end, but if this was the happiest it could be, he didn’t know for sure.

The longer he stayed, the more his joints complained about the sleeping arrangements, the more he doubted his decision. Not the decision to leave CSI, not the decision to come to the jungle, but the decision to stay for this long as it became clearer and clearer that this life might not be for him. The excitement of exploring the insect life in this hidden part of the world couldn’t be denied; however, it didn’t make up for everything.

He simply wasn’t as young as he used to be. And every night, his knees and back reminded him why he had avoided making rash, rigorous decisions based on his emotions. 

It did him good to see Sara truly happy and carefree for the first time in years. This life was right for her, made her blossom. He hated that he couldn’t share this joy completely, that he would most likely destroy at least a part of it by leaving. Not that he had decided yet, but each night he spent sleepless added to his desire to do what was best for him. It pained him to know that hearts would be broken eventually since she gave no indication of wanting to leave this place that had freed her. Hearts, plural. Without a doubt, he would break his own along with hers and could only hope they would heal again, hopefully fast, maybe together in a different place.

If she had noticed his turmoil, he didn’t know, didn’t see any indication of it. When – to say “if” would be delusional – he brought it up, he’d have to be careful, make it as painless as possible. At that, a snort sounded in his mind before reminding him that she had bolted on him without, left him behind in misery, abandoned him for her own good without any notice beforehand. It had been cruel. And while part of him wanted her to feel the same pain he had experienced then, he couldn’t get himself to do that to her, at least not on purpose. For this, he loved her too much.

Casting a glance to his left at her peacefully-sleeping form, he quietly got up and left the cabin, sat down in front of it. He could have woken her with tender touches, and she wouldn’t have complained, would have gladly taken his mind off of his troubled thoughts she didn’t seem to suspect. However, he couldn’t get himself to do it, felt it was wrong in the light of what kept his mind busy. Not to mention that it would make his decision even more difficult eventually.

Where he wanted to go, he had no idea. Back home to Vegas? Another continent? New York? All he did know was the place should be quiet enough for him to sleep at night.

= End =


End file.
